Tafakari ya Kitabu cha Kijivu
As using addicts, we lived under a regime of fear. In attaining our new life, we want it free of unreasonable fear.
Gray Book, p. 42 (Step Four, Lines 20-21)
A fearless moral inventory of ourselves, it sounds easy right? As addicts, our Lives were dominated by fear.
Self-centered fear was at the root of all our problems. We acted out on our defects as a means to cover up what we were really feeling. These defects served us well for a while in our active addiction.
Our lack of self-esteem made us create false images of ourselves, for others to see. We didn't like ourselves, and we were sure if others got to know us, we would be rejected. Our Literature tells us that the masks have to go.
Fear was our default mode; it motivated us to act and react. We were always covering who we really were. Putting pen on paper and revealing ourselves to ourselves was our Solution.
We need a Loving God to Guide us, and give us the Courage to go through this fear and expose the real from the imagined. Writing our Inventory unlocks certain parts of our subconscious that just talking about it won't. Our Healing is in the writing in this Step.
As our Faith increases with every stroke of the pen, our fears are lessened. We have to remember that the Higher Power that got us Clean in the first few Steps is still with us during this Process. Listing our Assets and liabilities Helps us with our Self-Acceptance.
One of the results from this Step is that we peel another layer of the onion. Our Goal in Recovery is to get to the Core, because that's where our Spirituality resides.
In This Moment: God will help remove these thorns from our sides. We have to be thorough and write through our fears.